I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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