I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
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