No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
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