just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
