I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
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