the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I want to have your abortion
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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