bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
bring money and cleavage
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Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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