Whatcha textin bout Willis?
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
