Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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