Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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