I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
