we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
