I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
