I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
