his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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