what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
It's blow job season.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
