so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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