i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
