there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
