Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
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