The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
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