Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
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