I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
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