Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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