sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
