Your face is a jimmy john
did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
In America we eat man semen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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