No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
