Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
