Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Dicks are not precious.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
