I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
