If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
