i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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