I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
