just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
So vagazzling was a success
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
