I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
