dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
