This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
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I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
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Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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