I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
