You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
