pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
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