wrigley field is MILF paradise
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
