if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
