I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Randomize