Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
