I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
