Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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