i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
