a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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