my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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