he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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