my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
We have so much sex to catch up on
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
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