if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
