Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
