Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I'm both gender and math confused
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
