Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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