i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
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