my mouth tastes like poor choices
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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