he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
You ever have a fart follow you around?
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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