I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
