I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
