I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
