i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
