i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
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I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
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Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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