May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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